Excuse me, mister, please take me to sector 9.
It's so hot.
It's Raj.
Baby, why are you travelling in a rickshaw?
It's thanks to Sameer! He's such an ass.
He was supposed to pick me up from the salon two hours ago...
and as usual he's ditched me.
Why am I not surprised?
He's got no control over his raging hormones.
Anyway, I was wondering...
for the wedding, should I keep an Iron Man frenchie
or a Dabaang moustache?
What do you think?
Baby!
On our wedding night I'm not interested in getting acupressure done.
Ok... tell me, how are the wedding preparations going?
Mom has turned into Lady Gaga
and is driving everyone crazy with her policing.
And you know how dad is...
I think he's negotiating discounts even in his sleep!
In short our Khullar house has turned into a complete madhouse!
Excuse me, are these decorations worthy of a bungalow in Sector 9?
Is my only daughter getting married using plastic chairs at her reception?
Obviously not, right?
Make sure I don't see them in Shivalik Farms or else!
Come on, get on with it!
Dear God! Stop will you!
How many times do I have to repeat myself?
You have to start playing the dhols just when the car arrives!
Not before... enough already.
Tanvi, my baby.
I sent Sameer to pick you up hours ago.
Morning, aunty.
I really think you should be very strict with Sameer.
See how he's left Tanvi stranded yet again.
By the way, Tanvi darling, did Sameer tell you where he is?
Go!!!! Step on it, dude!
Thanks for embarrassing me.
I wish I could drive all day
I wish I could make you sit next to me all day
Change the track, turn up the sound
Change my gear, let's go round
Don't say that, thought you was down
Oh
Everyone's fond of her
Oh
Everyone loves her
Oh
Everyone worships her
Everyone takes care of her
Oh
She is so beautiful
Oh
She fills my heart
Oh
She is one of a kind
She is so smart
Oh
She's sexy right
Oh
I'm feeling that
Oh
She's sexy tight
Oh
I'm feeling that
Oh
You feeling that
Oh
I'm feeling that
Oh
Everyone's fond of her
Oh
Everyone loves her.
Take a drive in the sunshine
Look at this city, it's all mine
I got the big doh on it
And the ladies want it
It's the capital city
So beautiful, not nitty gritty
I put my foot down on it
Mohali chronic
Pound for pound
Now we're racing with some clowns
Put your arms up for the clouds
Girl, have no doubt
Oh
She's sexy right
Oh
Am feeling that
Oh
She's sexy tight
Oh
I'm feeling that
Oh
You're feeling that
Oh
I'm feeling that
She's sitting tight, next to me
She's flying high, next to me
Ohh...
This bike is heavy duty
Ohh...
Everyone's fond of her.
Ohh...
She's a beauty.
Ohh...
She's a beauty.
Ohh...
Pick up the speed.
Ride the breeze
Pick up the speed.
Ride the breeze
Pick up the speed.
Everyone's fond of her
Oh
Everyone loves her
Everyone worships her
Oh
Everyone takes care of her
Oh
She is so beautiful
Oh
She fills my heart
Oh
She is one of a kind
She is so smart
Oh
Jackass, you have five hundred thousand missed calls from your dad.
And by now he must have called my house!
And you know how crazy my dad gets when he switches into his army mode...
He's going to kick my ass thanks to you.
Gattu my bro, have you ever wondered why your name rhymes with Fattu
Sameer my bro, have you ever wondered
why your Tej is always hunting for you?
You know Tej, don't you?
Come here.
Should I slap you?
Dog.
Right or left?
Come lick my shoe.
Stupid buffoon.
Why you keeping quiet?
Bloody Idiot.
Why the hell are you quiet?
You want a slap?
You shut up and answer me.
Eat shit.
You want to eat shit?
Shalu, give him a plate of shit.
Wow, you really made me proud today!
Beating.
Sameer...
Idiot
Sameer...
Get out
Sameeeeeeeeer!
Sameer! You stupid buffoon.
Are you dead? Where the hell are you?
You come here right now!
Where have you been loafing around this time?
Moron.
Come here, I said!
Dad, I'm not coming.
You're only interested in squeezing my ears
and making a lemonade for yourself.
Come on Teju, we are all getting ready for a wedding! Please let it go.
Is he doing his board exams that I should let it go?
Useless burger.
Dad, it's bugger, not burger.
Shut up. So now you're going to teach me English are you?
I told you ten times to go and pick up my trousers from the tailor.
Did you do it?
Now am I to wear boxers under my jacket and prance around?
Give me the receipt.
What receipt?
You good-for-nothing!
Sameer, you go and pour oil in the lamps.
From one side to the other.
Go, son! Quickly!
Shalu, where the hell did you produce him from?
I'm sure he got switched in the hospital.
He loses everything! Why don't you get lost sometimes?
Please will you do that for me?
Now I know why some animals eat their own children!
Gross.
Bloody dog. I waited for two hours in the parlour for you.
Why are you getting so excited?
Are you getting married today? Are you?
Thank god I'm getting married and moving out.
At least I won't have to see your ugly face every day in the morning.
Oh shut up! Have you ever taken a good look at your ugly face in the mirror?
Bloody dog!
Moron!
Go to hell! - You go to hell!
Kuljit, did you go all the way to South India to get me one coconut?
Can you hurry please! Give it to me.
Why does everyone want to break coconuts? What's going on?
Son, in reality I would much rather break your head
but I'll make do using a coconut instead.
Do us a favor, go get lost somewhere.
Dad, for crying out loud, please put yourjokes on shuffle.
Check on your weight first, your tummy is increasing day by day.
Bloody idiot!
Thank you, thank you!
What the f?
Hey... you...
Wow Dad! New Maruti Ertiga.
And that too, top end! Is this ours?
No, no, I bought it for our neighbours!
Aww, Dad! I always misjudged you.
Silly. Don't touch the car.
Step away from it.
Come on, dad, if I step away from the car how will I drive?
It's obviously not that automatic.
Don't play dumb you planet of the apes!
I haven't bought this car for your loafing around!
This is a wedding present for my daughter and my future son-in-law.
What! This car is for Raj? Is he serious?
Mom he is so un-cool, he doesn't even know where the Gehri route is!
Hey, did you know, our very first car was a small little Maruti 800.
So? - We brought Tanvi and you home from the hospital in it...
Then on our 10th anniversary I gave my wife Shalu a Maruti Swift.
Remember, Shalu? - Of course I remember!
And now for Tanvi's wedding
I am giving Raj and Tanvi this beautiful Maruti Ertiga.
Isn't it great!
I can't believe you guys! I'm obviously not your son.
Have you ever given me a cycle even?
First, grow up! Become a man.
Then let's see if you deserve anything.
Okay, Dad fine. I will never forget this day. Just wait and watch.
One day I'll line up cars in front of you. You just wait and watch.
Really?
Are you planning on working in the Maruti showroom?
Dad!
Daddy!
Wow, new car.
Wow.
Why is your network down today?
Tej has bought a new car.
Tej?
Really? Like seriously?
Yes. He's bought a red Ertiga, fully loaded.
Then why are we in a rickshaw, dude?
Because that car is not for me!
What? Who is it for then?
The one Tej loves the most, and wishes that I were more like him!
For Raj?
My whole life everyone has wanted me to be more like Raj.
Gattu bro, had I been like that loser Raj,
the car would have been mine!
Do you think I look cool in this rickshaw?
Hell, no!
No wonder Jasleen never looks at me!
Dude, she never looks at you anyway!
You've been window-shopping for a year and feeling sentimental.
She doesn't even know your name.
Gattu, only a monkey can climb a tree and that monkey is me.
Yeah, right!
Stop talking shit.
Daljit, that builder!
I'll slide and unlock him one day.
Flies enter his mouth, whenever he opens it.
I wonder what Jasleen sees in him!
He has a sports car, dude.
And Raj has an Ertiga.
Why do all these undeserving people in the world get the best things in life?
Please listen. Please, baby.
Stop it, Daljit. Don't act as if you care for me.
Acting? Why would I act?
I seriously love you.
You want to wear short dresses, right? Fine. No problem.
But only in front of me! That's all.
Daljit, do you love me?
Yes I do!
Do you think I am hot?
Smoking hot, sweetheart.
And my legs?
They are the world's hottest legs!
Really? - Absolutely!
Exactly!
So why should I be unfair to the world and hide my lovely legs!
K Thanks Bye!
I would've never let her hide her legs.
Such epic legs should be display pics!
Why worry if they are waxed!
Guts! - Just!!
Baby, baby! Just listen, please!
If your decision to break up is final,
then at least do it after tonight's party.
Last minute, neither of us will get dates.
We will have to go alone!
Alone?! And me? You will go alone!
I am Chandigarh's Shakira! I never go to a party alone!
My hips might but my lips don't lie.
Pick me up at ten.
Bye.
Madam pen?
4, 6...
Is that four?
Hello, who's this?
Hi Jasleen, it's Sameer.
Which one? Puri, Khanna or Randhawa?
It's Sammer, err, Khullar.
Sameer err Khullar, do I know you?
Jasleen, you gave me your number today, remember?
You wrote your name on my hand with a felt pen
and I really felt a solid connection between us.
So.
So?
So, where do I come at ten?
Where do I come - meaning?
You told me pick to pick you up at ten!
Hello! Are you psychic?
You mean psycho?
Same difference, only...
Please don't say no, Jasleen. Please! Please! Only one date.
It's Jazzlin.
Err, Jas, Jazzlin. Please don't refuse! Please, Jazzlin! Please.
K.
Please don't refuse! Please, Jazzlin! Please.
I said K.
Tacky! What if she's just fooling you?
What if you get stood up?
You know the reputation of the hostel girls, right?
Gattu, don't burst my dream bubble.
Okay, fine. She's agreed for now...
how will you impress her further?
Tell me?
No way. No flipping way, Sameer.
Yes way, Gattu.
Have you ever seen a hero impressing a girl on a local transport bus?
CTU Bus?
I'll take the new car out sometime.
I'll come back and parallel park. No one will know...
The entire Khullar madhouse is busy with the wedding preparations.
Mom is teaching Tanvi how to dance.
She and all our cousins are busy practicing their 1,2,3,4's all evening.
She's planning a performance for loser Raj.
Breaking News
Car thieves now steal cars dressed as the police.
These car thieves are duping innocent people.
Bye, Granny.
Uncles get drunk and curse the corrupt government.
From top to bottom, all the government officials are corrupt.
Corrupt. Corrupt. Corrupt.
Anti-Corruption officials are the most corrupt.
Absolutely.
I love Marutis.
There is no car like the Maruti.
It's great value for money.
Well done, Tej.
What's the average?
21.
21 kilometres per litre.
She never runs out of gas!
This is not a car.
Not a car?
What is it then?
It's a LUV my friend, it's a LUV.
Life Utility Vehicle.
Cheers!
Crap! My drink is finished.
Let's get another drink and charge our batteries!
This is also a great Maruti... - You bought this for your anniversary!
Yes, I bought this for my Shalu...
Jasleen, it's Sameer. Sameer err Khullar.
Please come, I'm here.
Sexy car!
Jasleen.
It's Jazzlin.
You're... you're looking...
I know... I'll stop the traffic, right?
Yeah! You're looking hot, like a fruit punch.
Thanks. - Come let's go!
Sorry, sorry.
Careful... your skirt!
Please drop me back to my hostel by midnight.
Okay... Jazzline!
Please park carefully, buddy.
Don't worry, sir, I do this everyday.
Cheers, Jasleen.
So Sameer, what do you do, other than college?
I do locking, popping, b-boying and krumping.
Interesting.
So tell me, how many girls have you gone out with?
To tell you the truth, no one's even looked at me yet.
However, in school I did have a girlfriend.
Manpreet Bhullar. You know, Bhullar and Khullar.
But it was kind of long distance so it didn't go anywhere.
You mean Chandigarh to Canada?
No, I mean from one side of the classroom to the other!
Do you just want to sit here with a drink
or should I show you my locking, popping and shopping?
Only for you
Because you are so hot.
Only for you
Because you are so hot.
My heart is a balloon
Fill it up soon.
I am so restless,
Come to me soon.
Oh baby listen
You're my passion
I am your lover
To love you, is my mission
Yeah
I have loved you
I still love you
I will always love you
I have loved you
I still love you
I will always love you
Only for you
Because you are so hot.
Only for you
Because you are so hot.
Come on, honey...
I always thought you were a fool
But your personality is super-cool
You are a good man
Now I am your fan.
I won't break your heart ever
Guarantee of my love is forever.
Yeah
I have loved you
I still love you
I will always love you
I have loved you
I still love you
I will always love you
Only for you
Because you are so hot.
Only for you
Because you are so hot.
Come on, honey...
I am a romantic king
I will give you a sexy ring
I will take your other lovers for a swing
I am a romantic king
I will give you a sexy ring
I will take your other lovers for a swing
I'll swing them around
And throw them out.
You are handsome
I am awesome
There are a lot of men
But I want to be in your den.
Let me ring the strings of your heart as you know I am so smart
Put your left leg out and right leg in
You have made me fall for you
I am in love with you
You have made me fall for you
I am in love with you
Girls' hostel?
That way.
Thank you!
I will always love you
I am in love with you
I will always love you
Only for you
Because you are so hot.
Only for you
Because you are so hot.
Tomorrow evening, 5pm at Million Mugs.
See you. Sleep sweet.
Only for you
Because you are so hot.
Only for you
Park my car.
Dude! I'm not a valet!
Excuse me, hot wheels!
Want to go for a ride?
Your brother hung out with It's Jazzlin at the Gehri Route!
You know...
You know... she's not a girl...
You mean a she-male?
No! She's like Honey Singh's rap, like beer on the tap.
And you are full of crap!
I don't see any future in this...
So stop being desperate.
Hey you prince of negativity,
she is meeting your brother tomorrow for coffee.
You know what coffee means?
Not just any coffee.
A-lot - can-happen- over- coffee coffee.
Stop drinking, you'll throw up again.
Damn!
You puked on my i-phone.
Shit, cops!
We were just leaving.
Where are you going?
What are you up to?
Making an MMS of the girl?
No, sir. Not at all!
You think I'm an idiot?
No, sir.
I don't believe you.
Ask your girlfriend to step out of the car.
Excuse me, I'm not his girlfriend, okay?
Fine boyfriend then? Just step out please.
What have you given her? The date drug?
No, sir. Absolutely not.
Excuse me! I'm not drunk, okay?
She seems to have drunk the entire bar down
but I'm not drunk!
Look, I can walk.
Hey, stop.
Running for my life!
Where are you going?
Please take this Excuse Me with you!
Come back.
I'll drop you on the bullet now.
Hot wheels, aah!
Excuse me!
Good night.
Very good.
Thank you.
You dance well, senti fellow
I should've joined the summer dance class.
Dancing is not for you.
Are you sure, bro?
Buddy, can you get my car please?
Sir your, card?
Not card, buddy, car. C-A-R.
It's a red Ertiga. Hurry up please.
Sir, I think you are mistaken.
We haven't parked any red Ertiga.
Yes, we have a red Alto.
Gattu, why do people think of small cars when they look at me?
We drank the booze, but it's hit him, I think.
Sir, please listen to me. - Come on valet guy, do yourjob!
Sir, sir how can I bring your car when I haven't even parked it?
Don't joke, buddy... it's not funny.
You're the one who's joking, sir.
I've seen enough like you,
wearing fake Rado watches
asking for keys to expensive cars...
Got it?
Hey, how dare you!
Sorry.
Dude, are you sure you gave the keys to the valet?
Then who else would I give them to? Jazzy B?
Don't be smart!
Think hard, who did you give the keys to?
Do you think the bogus police stole your car?
Use a flashlight and see if there is a brain in your head or not?
Car thieves wear cop uniforms, not valet uniforms, you idiot.
Stop scaring me!
Do you think the car got towed?
Come. Hurry up, let's check.
Amrit, there is nothing going on with the first floor woman,
I'm only yours.
Hello, sir. We are Sameer and Gattu.
By any chance did you or your friends tow our car from Madhya Marg?
Towing? At 2 am!
Are you boys crazy?
Were you drinking and driving?
Hell no! Just tonic water.
Whose name is the car registered in?
Tej!
Sir, I think I know where the car is... it's slowly coming back to me.
Come on.
Should we ask them, in case they have seen the car?
Forget it, he's with his girlfriend.
Excuse me! I'm not his girlfriend, okay?
Okay!
Do you recall anything?
Who did you give the keys to?
There is a limit to screwing up.
We are done for...
By the way, are you feeling a sense of pride?
Only you could have lost such a big car, by God!
Gattu, we need to think of a replacement plan by tomorrow morning.
Otherwise Tej will bury me alive!
Not tomorrow morning my friend, today.
This morning!
Tej, are you going to have bills for breakfast?
Shalu, for the next year I will be eating bills
for breakfast, lunch and dinner!
We are spending in lacs...
And we still haven't received any bills from Shivalik Farm.
I don't know what's going to happen!
Come, son, sit down.
Sameer!
Wow!
I can't believe it.
Son, are you free this evening?
I'm sorry for asking but tonight is your sister's cocktail function.
Oh come on, dad, I know that!
Shalu, he knows that! He knows that.
Give me your blessings?
I know that I believe.
You've started again!
Okay, fine.
Shalu, I'm taking the Ertiga to the office.
Okay?
But dad, the car belongs to the loser!
Sameer! Is this the way to address your brother-in-law?
Stupid buffoon!
Leave it now, you go!
Why is the lock not opening?
Wrong keys...
Who's going to get the right ones? Your dad?
Dad why don't you take the Swift instead?
Stupid buffoon!
Save me, God!
Lovely-Giggly-Cutie-Princie...
Come on kids, let's go home...
If mummy and daddy catch you, they will be angry.
Your boyfriend's left?
Silly boy. Let's go inside.
Come on now!
Okay, great. Sounds good.
Please make sure you make the cocktails
with the cheapest vodka for tonight's function.
How about some discount?
Five per cent? Okay, at least two?
Okay, just one per cent for my happiness? Please, please.
70 mins... 70 mins is all we have...
I can't tell you what you need to achieve in the next 70 mins.
All I can tell you is that after 70 mins,
Tej will come home for lunch and not find the car in the garage.
Then he will take a hockey stick and beat the crap out of us.
And if today Tej plays the best hockey of his life,
then even God can't save us.
Best of luck!
Yes, sir, how can I help you?
We want a red Ertiga.
Certainly, sir, is your dad joining us as well?
Why? Is there a Dads only board outside?
I'm very sorry, sir. Please come this way.
Okay, sir...
This is the latest Maruti Ertiga.
It's a proper seven-seater car
with foldable rear seats to increase the boot space.
It's available in six variants with two engine options.
How much is it?
With registration and add-ons, only ten lacs.
Only! - Yes, sir.
Don't you have a scheme
in which we pay only five-ten thousand as a down payment?
And spend the rest of our lives selling our souls
to pay the remaining instalments?
Yes, Gattu?
Correct!
Sir, test-drive a car and you might actually win one!
I went to the market and bought a pair of slippers
My dad's Maruti flew away with a pair of flippers.
The car is superb.
Sir, the people sitting behind never feel they are sitting behind.
Pull the second row lever
and you will straight away be in the third row.
If you are sleepy then fold both the rows and your flat bed is ready.
That's why we say it's not a car, it's a LUV!
Life Utility Vehicle.
And this car belongs to the loser.
And you are the idiot who lost this car in one day!
Get out of the way.
Come inside, I will serve you an awesome lunch. Come on!
This car is my dad's love
However if I lose it
Honey Maasi!
I will lose my breath
It seems it will be my death
But my heart, take a chill pill
I don't care if it's late night still. I will drive all night at will.
It's original.
He he he.
It's midnight still
My dad's Maruti wants to drive even more
Wasn't the food amazing?
Now let's go back.
My dad's Maruti wants to break the border
My dad's Maruti wants to dash into Lahore.
My dad's Maruti wants to drive even more
My dad's Maruti
Yeah, my dad's Maruti
It's not a car, sir, it's a LUV!
Hi, how are you?
Sameer? - Yes, yes.
I'm Irfan.
Please ask your friend to relax.
He can get even stolen choppers here, if he wants!
Even if you give us free choppers today, we will only take an Ertiga.
Don't worry, you'll get it.
By the way, where are we going to get this chopper?
We are going to Brother Hussain's garage.
Is he like a Gangster-brother or a Brother-Brother?
Irfan, where have you got us?
Come, come.
Chotu... you moron! What kind of tea is this?
There is no sugar?
Hussain Bro! - What's he saying?
I think he is referring to sugar-free in Urdu...
Wow Irfan, looks like today's food will be delicious!
The lamb looks meaty.
Kids, how can I help you today?
Hello, sir, we are Sameer and Gattu.
We want a Maruti Ertiga.
Really? Wonderful.
This is what I call true love.
She has arrived just today,
And her lovers have come seeking her.
As they say, love and stink cannot be hidden!
Sir, you lost me at love.
Sir, not love! Ertiga!
We need one in red. Right away.
Son, this car is not the sky that will stay blue forever.
True.
Irfan, can you please translate?
He is saying, he will paint the car red.
Super duper!
When can we get the car?
What will it cost us?
Give me six. You can take the car tomorrow.
Six? As in six lacs!
Tomorrow? Hell, no!
Hussain bhai, can you please reduce the price?
We are in trouble as it is... please help us.
Next time we want to buy a stolen car, we will come to you.
In fact, we will never buy an original car ever again.
Fine. Give me five. I cannot reduce it any further.
Okay, sir. Done.
Advance?
One second.
My savings?
The balance on delivery. Please, sir.
Listen, kid, you should know that I am a warrior.
Got that!
If you misbehave,
I promise on Allah, I will paint the moon red, with your blood.
This car we get only tomorrow... How do we manage today?
Chill out, Gattu.
I have a plan.
Dahiya Rent A Car.
Are you seeing this?
When do you need the car?
Today, as in right now.
Today? Sorry, not possible.
This car has already been booked for 6pm this evening.
So can't we have the car until 6pm?
Senior Dahiya has booked this car himself.
No one can change that.
Dahiya, brother, I'm sure you can help us!
I would've helped you had Dhaiya senior been in Chandigarh.
Look! Dhaiya senior is there!
That's Dahiyajunior. Dahiya senior is his father.
He's Junior!
What's the matter?
These boys want a car.
Hello, uncle. We are Sameer and Gattu.
We are in deep trouble.
In short, if we leave without a red Ertiga my father will screw me.
Please, sir, please, sir.
Gehlot, give these boys the keys.
You'd better return the car by 6pm sharp,
if not, you will have to deal with my dad directly.
Definitely!
The hire is 3000 per day.
Okay, right?
Sir, it's yours.
This is a red colour beauty
With a pretty bonnet, yet heavy duty.
All cars fade away
When this beauty makes her way.
Come folks, sit with me
Let's move in style, let the rest see.
It's midnight still
My dad's Maruti wants to drive even more
My dad's Maruti wants to break the border
My dad's Maruti wants to drive in Lahore.
Wow! What a beautiful necklace!
Is it for the engagement, Tanvi?
No, Honey aunty, for the wedding ceremony.
How much is it?
Only five lacs.
It's really worth it!
Tej has spent good money this time.
Nice! I like it.
But I can't believe we are being made to pack Raj's trousseau.
I don't understand why Tej makes me do all Raj related stuff.
See, he's Y-front designer underwear for Raj.
It's kind of small.
Oh, shit! Jasleen's text!
It's already 4.30pm.
I have to meet Jasleen at 5pm at Million Mugs.
What should I wear?
Sameer. Sameer.
Bro, do you have cash for cab?
Are you insane orjust insane?
I'm taking the new car.
Tej is in the office so no one's going to find out.
Stop getting stressed for nothing.
Jackass! Be it Tiger Woods or Bill Clinton,
all great men have been ruined by women.
You will also go down you fool.
Bloody idiot.
I'm not your brother anymore!
Go on, put on the disclaimer.
There is no one hotter than you here.
Sameer, you know for someone whose last girlfriend didn't even know
that she was your girl friend,
you're quite a flirt.
Well let's hope my next girlfriend knows she's my girlfriend!
I'll just be back.
Hello - Sameer.
Yes, Mr. Junior, sir.
Return the car, it's time for the next booking.
It's almost 6pm.
So soon!
You promised to return the car by 6pm.
If you break your promise, my father will kill me.
You are late.
Now go directly to the bus station
and pick up the clients and drop them at their hotel.
Hello.
Sorry. I hope you're not bored.
Of course not.
Waiting is my favorite pastime.
That's nice. I just need a few minutes more...
There's a small problem. I'll be back.
Gattu, you're my brother?
Hell, no!
Gattu, please be my brother.
Hell, no!
Please do your brother a small favour.
Not fair man! Not fair!!
Okay, tell me, how does a Punjabi auto rickshaw know Shakespeare?
Why?
Because passengers always say, Othello-Othello.
Very funny!
Sorry! Sorry!
What do you think, Sameer?
By cracking ajoke you will make up for the crap
that you have pulled today?
I'm very sorry, Jasleen.
I promise you I'll do whatever you ask of me.
I swear.
Oh God, Sameer. We are not kids any more.
What is this I swear? Grow up!
Jasleen, I will grow if you don't go.
Shit. That came out all wrong.
I'm sorry.
Fine.
Last chance.
Let's go for a drive to Kalka.
To the hills and back.
Sure, but I sent the car back home.
Awesome. Let's take rickshaw then!
Really?
Jasleen?
It's Jazzline!
Come on.
Pick up the bag.
Look around... has someone come to pick us up?
Yeah, looking.
There he is! He is standing there.
Oh yes!
Hello! Dahiya-Rent-A-Car?
I am Khosla. And you?
I am Dahiya-Rent-A -Car?
Hey Shimpi, it's him.
Just hand it on the shoulder.
This one too.
Give me that.
Son, you seem like a cool kid...
How did you end up being a driver?
Recession, uncle. Recession.
So I thought I should help my father by driving.
Anyway, once I go to Canada, I'll drive a cab for sure!
That's great.
How sad. He's so poor.
Son, do you even have a house or did your family have to sell it?
I have a 2-acre bungalow!
Yes? - Yes!
Son, how far is Hotel Park View?
Aunty, it's just around the corner.
Congratulations!
Well done, Tej. Everything looks spectacular!
Come on, charge your batteries!
Hey, Sameer, come here.
Please meet my son.
Take their blessings. It's Mr. And Mrs. Khosla...
Blessings, uncle. - Hope you have a long life.
And this is Gattu, Sameer's friend.
Uncle, I have some errands to run, I'll just be back.
Come here. Come here, son.
You here?
Are you on duty here?
Duty? What duty?
Tej, the car hire company sent him to pick us up today.
Tell him, son.
Gattu, you're a driver?
Such a wonderful boy, but what a tragedy hit his family.
Is this an age to be poor?
Poor? Gattu, you're poor?
Thanks to the recession his father's business went bust.
That's why he's being forced to be a part-time driver.
Hang on a minute.
Gattu, your dad's left the Indian army and started his own business?
And he didn't even tell me!
I'm going to speak to the Brigadier right away.
No uncle, please don't call dad!
Son, why didn't you tell me?
Such a big incident and you didn't mention it to me even once!
Let me hug you.
You listen to me.
Don't worry...
From now on, who will sponsor your education? Tej!
Understood?
And listen... Take this!
I would like to invite on stage the two proud fathers!
Tej Khullar and Ashok Arora!
Here, take 20 bucks.
Wow 20 bucks! I'm amazed!!
Let's call on stage the Bride's brother and the Groom's sister!
First call the ambulance, then the caterers!
What? Why?
Sameer Khullar and Jasleen Bhasin.
Jazzline... lt's Jazzline!
Jasleen will spill the beans!
She will tell your dad you took the car out of the house.
Tej will know immediately that you've lost the car.
Upon hearing this, he will have a heart attack.
Then obviously the wedding will be cancelled.
Didn't I tell you so!
All the great men have been ruined by women.
Shut up!
Jasleen is Raj's sister?
Unbelievable!
Fool!
Sameer!
Dad?
Dad!
Best of luck.
Why didn't you tell us that you know Jasleen?
Why haven't you invited her home to eat, ever?
Oh yes, dad.
Yes, dad.
Tej, Mr. Kapoor is here!
Mr. Kapoor is here!
Enjoy, kids.
You never told me Tanvi was your sister.
Last night, and this evening, we were together.
I have a sudden cough; I'll need an urgent brandy.
Last night and this evening?
What an amazing dress, Jasleen! Sea green suits you.
It's actually aqua blue, but thanks.
I hope it's not too showy for this function.
Don't... don't change the topic.
You were out of the hostel last night?
Actually there was a party... last night.
Oh, and by the way, amazing sandals!
Peep toes...
Let her finish - so last night what?
So basically...
And what mind-blasting earrings, Jasleen, absolutely superb!
Sameer! Are you gay?
Earrings, dress, peep toes!
Let her finish.
Last night what?
So basically, there was this party last night,
and Sameer was like, 'be my date', and I was like, why not?
So he came to pick me up in this hot... new... sexy...
Gattu is hurt. Hurry.
Weakness! Poverty! No food since morning.
Poverty saved us, Sameer!
Get well soon, Gattu...
Thanks, bro!
Dog!
So sweet!
You're so silly, why didn't you tell me about the wedding?
Obviously your phone will ring.
I am so embarrassed about my behaviour.
I am so sorry, Jasleen, I should have told you
Okay, listen. - Yes?
Are you very busy at the wedding tomorrow?
Of course not.
I am not the one getting married.
What is the plan?
The shopping is the plan, is the!
The Cool The.
What?
Have you lost it?
Do you remember it's Sunday tomorrow?
I remember!
Obviously!
Tej will shift the car to Shivalik's farm tomorrow.
He will then give Dahiya's cab to Raj and Tanvi!
Have you forgotten that I am poor, Gattu
and have to return the Dahiya's cab?
Chill. I have the biggest plan.
That's disgusting man!
This is a high flying car. Just arrived from the showroom afar.
There were so many speed breakers But the breaks were her care-takers.
This is a high flying car. Just arrived from the showroom afar.
There were so many speed breakers But the breaks were her care-takers.
But still, there's a will
To spin in this fancy car With all the energy, uphill.
You are too cool, man.
My dad's Maruti wants to drive some more
Thank you.
The plan of all plans!
Come on, drink up!
Maruti showroom?
Hello...
Hello.
Speak softer, in case, the phone gets hurt.
What's up?
Good morning, sir... Sir, I'm calling from the Maruti showroom...
Yes, tell me.
Sir... since you are our esteemed customer,
we have a special gift offer for you.
Are you giving me a free car?
No, sir...
We would like to decorate your car with flowers.
That too free of cost.
Free? For sure?
Just send us your car and we shall dress her up like a bride.
That's great. Big thanks.
You've saved me big trouble.
I am sending you the car right away.
That's more like it.
Where are you, silly fellow?
Wow, look at him.
There he is.
Ohhoo, aahaaa.
Hello, crazy fellow.
Yes, dad... any work for me?
Maruti people are keen to save my 2,000 rupees.
So take the car back to the showroom.
Oh ho, dad, only for you!
Only for you!
Look at him showing off his body.
Sameer Chandigarh has four shopping malls, but none this side.
Baby, we are going shopping.
I will drop of this car off for decoration,
and we'll take a cab from there.
Why didn't you tell me?
I would've borrowed my brother Raj's car.
I believe if you are in a relationship with someone
you should always go Dutch.
I always believe in equal relations.
Me too, so sweet!
Why should girls always cook for boys?
Correct!
Even boys should cook for girls sometimes?
I'll cook for you.
Really? - Really.
There are only buffalos here, no flowers anywhere.
The Senior?
World's oldest senior!
Not that you look old, sir.
Seriously, not a day over 80.
Aren't you the thief who stole my car?
No theft... we're here to return the car.
This car is his?
Yes it is.
Do you have a car or not?
'Technically' I do... but I've misplaced it somewhere.
Put the gun down, they are just kids. Kids, run!
He is having a heart attack. Again.
Someone help! Sit down. Rest here.
Sit down. Rest here.
We can't leave him like this!
Junior, sir.
Let's take him to the hospital. Get the car.
Get the car. Hurry!
Get the car!
Don't worry, sir.
Are you crazy? You hired this carjust for a party!
Because he thought you only date guys with cool cars.
No baby, the party night I was in my own car.
It's only after I dropped you off that I lost the car.
And if his father finds out, he will beat us to a pulp.
What! You mean his father doesn't know that his car is lost?
Just look at him. Does he look worried at all?
This is exactly the problem.
Tomorrow by the end of the wedding I need a car somehow.
If you don't drive faster I'll kill him.
So not fair, uncle! He's the one driving.
Why will you kill me?
Drive fast, man, I haven't even done it properly yet.
Really, say swear.
Anyway, back to me.
Sameer, you really thought I was so shallow?
You psychic.
It's Psycho Jasleen. Psychics talk to dead people.
Emergency... wheelchair.
Don't worry, uncle; my grandfather had the same thing.
You will be fine, I promise.
I am so sorry for the delay.
Your keys.
Go to the Spaatas guys... Go to the cops.
We went to the cops, but they wanted Tej's phone number.
Guts, don't you trust your brother?
I have caused this crisis, right?
I'll figure out a solution as well.
Call for you.
Your call.
Hello! Brother Hussain?
What's up, kid?
Out for a party?
By the way, your lover is ready and waiting for you.
Lover?
Yes, and she is languishing for you.
I'm sorry... what?
We were on our way to your garage.
Look kid, I am waiting for you,
and I hate waiting so... God be with you.
Goodbye.
TC, Bro!
But weren't we going to the engagement?
So baby, what should I have told brother Hussain?
That I don't have five lacs to give him.
But, what is a brother, Hussain?
Listen, I have an idea.
Let's tweet a superstar and ask him to request his fans to help us
by donating a rupee each.
That way we'll have a profit of 20 lacs, bro!
Seriously? Like seriously, Gattu!
Like seriously, man!
Guys, seriously!
Why is this car bouncing?
Stop... stop... stop.
Damn this youth.
Is this a car or a honeymoon suite?
Let's go.
Sameer.
Wappening Dad? New word. I made it up.
Shut up and listen.
I've filled expensive bottles with cheaper whiskey.
Just serve it to the guests.
Dad, over here as well? Are you kidding me?
After giving birth to a kid like you,
there isn't any scope left for kidding!
Do it fast.
This one is for you, Raj.
You have done so much for me over the seven years we dated.
I have a small surprise for you.
Things I haven't been able to say in words are said in this performance.
Hope you like it.
You have seen so many girls
But you haven't seen anyone quite like me.
My dress is tight
Sending you the invite
Let me turn you on tonight.
Tonight I will love you,
Tonight I won't hide anything from you
Tonight, it's me and you.
When I move my hip
You will go hip-hip-hurrah.
When I move my hip
You will go hip-hip-hurrah.
When we love...
You will go hip-hip-hurrah
When I move my hip
You will go hip-hip-hurrah.
She is your sister, man.
My hopes are hot hot
I want kids and what not!
My youth is dedicated to you
I am waiting for you
My youth is dedicated to you
I am waiting for you
I'll break all the records of love with you
I'll have a big family with you.
Come on, honey!
Tonight, I will excite you,
Tonight, I will kiss you,
Tonight it's me and you!
When I move my hip
You will go hip-hip-hurrah.
When I move my hip
You will go hip-hip-hurrah.
When we love...
You will go hip-hip-hurrah
When I move my hip
You will go hip-hip-hurrah.
It's all messed up, Gattu!
No shit, Sherlock!
Brother Hussain, you here?
Enough is enough.
Where is my money?
Or should I ask your father for it?
My sister is getting engaged today.
We will be at your garage with the remaining
four lacs ninety five thousand.
Just give us two hours.
I am warning you...
if my patience runs out,
your life will run out too.
I think he mentioned that we are pretty much screwed now.
It's enough now, just tell Sameer's dad the truth.
That is not even an option, Jasleen! I have a plan.
Mom is giving Tanvi a gold necklace worth 5 lacs. It fits.
Hold on, Sameer.
You want to steal from your own home?
You think Gattu is gutless?
The real gutless one is you!
I mean, what will happen if you tell your dad the truth?
He will ground you at the most.
You think I am doing all this because I am afraid of Tej?
I am very happy to be screamed at by dad, if the car comes back!
But it's not about that,
I know Tanvi is annoying and irritating
but she is still my sister.
Tej has promised her and her husband a new car!
And the promise will be broken because of me!
I know my father is a cheapskate,
he serves cheap booze in expensive bottles,
but however he is, he is still my father.
Can you imagine his humiliation?
Listen, Sameer, I cannot support theft.
Guys, this is not the time to fight,
and Sameer, Jasleen is right,
you want to be a thief in your own house?
Have you lost it?
Listen, there is no need for you to help me.
What was I thinking?
I was stealing Tanvi's necklace to return her car?
To avoid hurting Tej, I was hurting my mom?
Dude, are you a public prosecutor or a defence lawyer?
You cannot be both at the same time!
Gattu, I am stupid, irritating, a fool, and dumb.
But not a thief.
Come on, let's think of an alternative.
Let's go.
What are you doing?
You call, she won't pick up mine.
Hello, Jazzline, come out.
We are going to brother Hussain's garage right now.
'We? ' I am not a part of your 'We'.
Hello, Jazzline. I didn't steal the necklace.
We have another plan.
Stop it, Sameer. No more plans.
Don't you get it?
I don't want to be a part of this any more.
I am not like you.
I know you are not like me, Jazzline,
but are you love me?
Because I am really love you.
Jazzline?
If you propose in pathetic English, this is what will happen.
Cheezy boy.
I am not like you, Jazzline, but am love you.
I am also love you, Sameer.
Psychic.
Not you, me!
I love talking to ghosts and then hugging them too.
Irfan, open the garage, we are here!
I can change a man's colour, what's a car?
Anything can be sold on the black market.
Your work will be done. Don't worry!
So sorry, brother Hussain, we're late.
Goodbye.
Kids, always remember,
loss of time and loss of a person is permanent.
Where is the car?
You doubt a warrior's word?
Not at all, your words are irreversible, like a permanent tattoo or something.
And they hurt!
Awesome, awesome!
My money first, and then your car.
Absolutely, just the way you want it.
Police? - Police?
Original or fake?
Irfan! Only original police raids, run, hurry, fast.
Catch everyone.
You hunt for those three!
I am here!
Come on, fast.
Where the hell these cops come from?
Come quick!
Was this your plan, baby, did you call the cops?
No baby, this wasn't my plan.
So what was your plan, baby?
I thought we would go there
and cause a distraction and then escape with the car!
What?
Baby, cops!
Run.
Excuse me, hot wheels.
Excused, religious lady.
Sameer...
Sameer, hey sameer,
where's the car, son?
Son, get the car quickly!
What a shame on Tej.
Go get the car from the showroom, idiots haven't sent it yet.
Yes, yes, I am listening!
Yes, tell me.
Dad? - One second, hold on.
I want to talk to you please.
Get the car first,
We'll talk on Saturday after the wedding!
Dad, it's important!
Okay, give me two minutes.
Yes, I am listening, please clear the budget first.
Hello.
Brother Hussain has been caught by the cops.
What?
That Maruti car needs to be cleared from the garage immediately.
Irfan, we lied, we don't have 5 lacs to pay you.
We have to get rid of the car.
You can pay in instalments.
Yes or no?
No. - You don't want it?
No, I mean yes, we want it! I'll just be there, okay? Bye.
Okay... okay, bye.
Yes, now tell me.
Dad, I'll get the car from the showroom.
The car is ready with flowers. - Fool.
He is coming here, sir.
This vehicle is best to dry clothes on.
We haven't spotted a car in two weeks.
Let's go to Patiala, Chandigarh is dead.
I have spotted an amazing car.
It has been at the same spot for three days.
I hope it's not a police trap.
Idiot, have the police ever caught anyone?
Let's go.
Irfan, where is the car?
Where is the car?
So, kid? Looking for a stolen car?
The number you are trying to call is currently switched off!
Sameer!
Tell me honestly,
what do you know about the gangs operating the stolen car racket?
Sir, please try and understand, I have lost my own car.
Don't you remember, we came to report a lost car,
Red Ertiga 6402!
Well, if you did come... then why didn't you file a report?
Because you would have called my dad then.
Had you called him then, you wouldn't have needed to call him now. Dial.
Dad.
What a useless child I have.
What happened? Dead Battery?
Unreachable number?
You dialled the wrong number, right?
Don't worry, kid,
an overnight stay in the lock-up will set you right.
Pass me the phone please.
Hello, Tanvi?
Sameer, where the hell are you?
Tanvi, where's dad?
Dad is in the bathroom, but dog, where are you?
Late again?
The wedding is in three hours!
Tanvi, I am in a mess.
I have been caught by the police.
Sameer, you have gone too far this time.
What a wedding gift you've given me.
Stop... Stop.
Isn't it the same car, 6402?
Well done.
Take this honeymoon suite away.
By the way, I am from sector 26 police station, and you?
Why didn't he stop?
Sir, I want to bail Sameer Khullar.
You are his father?
No, sir, I am his brother-in-law.
Actually he is like a younger brother,
that's why I have left my own wedding to come here.
I am sorry if he did anything wrong.
Sameer, what were you thinking? Come on, man.
Come in.
Sir, I think the bogus police are on a run with a red Ertiga 6402.
Relax, I will sort it out.
Listen you, what's the number of your car?
CH-04-AE-6402
Come with me, now!
Sir, where are you taking us?
Sit in the jeep quickly.
Towards Madhya Marg.
Raj Bro, this is bad news.
I think we are victims of an encounter.
Relax. Everything will be alright.
We are heading to Madhya Marg.
Tell SI Sethi to cover up with his beat van.
It's bogus police. Over and out.
Bogus police? As in fake police?
Sameer, just relax. I told you, right?
We will find your car. Sit quietly.
Oh crap, that's my car.
Towards Madhya Marg, fast!
Sameer, sit back and relax.
Idiot, can't you drive slowly?
A scratch on the car cuts through my heart.
Get in, you fool.
Stop the van.
Get in, idiot.
Drive straight.
Get out. Bloody thief. Take him away.
Sir, those keys are mine.
Sameer, if you repeat this game again,
I am not going to spare you.
Thank you for your help, sir.
Take care of him.
Pull the car down.
Sameer, relax.
Raj, you're a real hero.
Had Tanvi not married you today, I would have!
You are a changed person, Sameer.
You were irritating and stupid earlier
but now you're completely the opposite.
Stupid and irritating!
So now if all your errands are done, can I go and get married?
Raj, one last favour brother, please?
I don't believe this, now what?
Actually this car is for you and Tanvi,
so now when you get it please act a little surprised.
Surprised?
Wow!
No, that's too loud.
You will never change, right?
Stop!
And Raj, another thing I learned today.
Heroes can also travel on Chandigarh local transport buses.
What?
Love you, brother.
Just arrive on time.
Damn this puncture.
Aren't the decorations outstanding?
Just look at the time.
Relax Tej, he will be here soon.
God bless you.
My dearest son Raj, you have always been my favourite child.
Correct.
You've given me the best present of my life by marrying Tanvi.
I would like to return this gesture.
Just a moment.
Sameer.
Sameer!
Thank God for being on time.
So from my side,
congratulations.
Wow, I am so surprised.
But I am sorry, dad, I cannot accept this.
But why, son?
Excuse the impertinence,
but had Shalini mummy's dad given you something
like this, would you have accepted it?
Of course. - Shut up, idiot!
What's he saying?
Continue please!
Dad, please, I cannot accept this.
But... - Please.
In fact I love this car so much that I want to buy it for Tanvi,
but with my own money.
Please, dad, don't mind.
Family picture, people, come on fast.
Come on everyone.
Dad, but where is Gattu?
Oh forget it!
Greetings everyone.
Uncle Sameer is running late, so I thought I would bring the car.
He's so poor, still made it on time.
You here?
You brought the car?
Then whose car has Sameer got?
Actually dad... that day... when the car arrived...
Uncle, actually Sameer and Gattu are at the hospital.
Poverty was making Gattu feel faint!
So I thought I'll only get the car.
You also brought the car?
One wedding, three cars?
What is going on?
Sameer, come here you fool.
He's coming!
What chaos have you created?
Actually dad, that morning when the car arrived,
I had a party in my college, so I...
Love is priceless and free.
Gattu won his car in a lucky draw.
And he also finally did it properly.
Dahiya senior got emotional and gave his car to Jasleen
for saving his son's life.
Now how would I know that the God of luxury cars would be so pleased
that he would line up cars here?
Cool down, Teju, it will be fine.
Useless burger.
Is the car more important or you?
I can always get another car
but never another son.
I am really sorry, dad,
I know I screwed up, I am really sorry.
Really sorry!
For the last three nights you kids have been running amongst goons and cops.
Had something gone wrong, then what?
Next time such a thing happens,
call me immediately.
I will beat you up first,
but eventually I will be the one solving your problem.
Got it? - Yes, dad.
This is for you.
Glad you grew up.
Useless burg... bugger.
I know English as well.
Now give me a hug.
I am sorry, dad,
I am really sorry, dad.
Really sorry!
Stupid buffoon!
Dad, I have something to tell you.
You know your Rado watch, the one with the gold dial?
I lost it.
Damn, it's all messed up.
Sameer.
Get on the dance floor
Guys and girls show me some more
In pure Punjabi style
Let those opened bottles smile
Girl I got what you need
Booze and schmooze indeed
Let's put together
Tonight's scene
Be it a moment of singing
Be it a moment of eating
Be it a moment of marriage
Or be it a moment of engagement
The capacity to drink is large
Punjabi's batteries are always charged
24 hours
We are brave lions
Respect is in our blood.
We are brave lions
Respect is in our blood.
We make everyone enjoy
Our fathers are our family's joy
Mothers love to stand by.
Punjabi's batteries are always charged
24 hours
English liquour doesn't affect us
Our sports car never fails us.
We don't like to fake
30-60 drinks we make.
We drink it large
With capacity enlarged.
May lord always bless us.
Our energy is always high
May lord always bless us.
Our energy is always high.
We drink milk and cream
And with peace beam.
We love tumbi in our parties.
Punjabi's batteries are always charged
Get on the dance floor
Guys and girls show me some more
In pure Punjabi style
Let those opened bottles smile
Girl I got what you need
Booze and schmooze indeed
Let's put together
Tonight's scene
Punjabi's batteries are always charged
24 hours